WMEW EMERGENCY BROADCAST

"Ladies and gentlemen, bar your doors and hide your kibble, because WMEW is breaking into your scheduled programming with an emergency update! Reports indicate a massive, morbidly obese feline is stomping her way back to that specific website. Word on the street is she’s brandishing a brand-new set of tags for maximum genetic modification. God help us all. Lock your doors, citizens!"

🏷️ The Specimen Tags:

• white eyes, no pupils "When she locks you in with that completely blank, soul-piercing stare. There is nothing behind those eyes but the void, folks. The absolute void!"

• gray body "The subject sports a coat of gray fur. Now, management strictly warned me not to call it 'skin' due to some... 'furry' protocol? Look, I don't make the rules, I just scream them into the microphone!"

• round head "Her cranium tends to fluctuate wildly! Want her looking like her usual, semi-normal self instead of some terrifying mutant humanoid? Slap this tag on to round things out. Normal is subjective here, people!"

• round body "For some inexplicable reason, she can shift from a featureless, PG-rated blob into a towering, humanoid colossus ready to crush you beneath six hundred pounds of raw fat! Beware, men, she is a certified man-eater!"

• nub legs "She’s sporting lower limbs that look closer to a Pokémon than a mammal. They're barely even legs! Seriously, how does she even move with those things?!"

• stubby legs "Alright, the legs have gained a fraction of an inch. At least with this tag, we can actually conceptualize the physics of her walking. Barely."

• thick eyebrows "Clearly, this woman has had her eyebrows heavily arched and filled in. Fierce? Maybe. Terrifying? Absolutely."

• outie navel "I have a sinking suspicion this is catering to someone’s highly specific fetish, folks... and that overgrown cat doesn’t seem the least bit ashamed of displaying hers to the wasteland!"

• line nose "Her nose... isn't. It's less of a nose and more of a vague, ominous nasal cavity slit right into the center of her face."

• featureless ears "Her ears look completely solid with absolutely no interior depth—yet somehow, she can still track the sound of your whimpering from miles away. Don't make a sound..."

• overweight female "Breaking update, listeners! If you want to guarantee she's packing maximum, devastating density in her humanoid form, this is the mandatory trigger. Stand clear of the splash zone!"